Wednesday, April 29, 2009

FO News Roundup: April 29, 2009

April is the cruelest month. Just ask an Indians fan. Here's what's hopping as we look to May:
  • The Supreme Court holds that the FCC can punish networks for "fleeting expletives" uttered on live television broadcasts. The First Amendment in a nutshell: buying reelection for Congressmen is "free speech," but Bono can't say "fuck" on the Golden Globes. (P)
  • Swine flu got you down? Blame this kid. (P)
  • Kathleen Sebelius is confirmed as Secretary of Health and Human Services. Let the mandatory abortions begin! (P)
  • Here's a grim economic reality for you: the Yankees can't sell regular-season game seats for $2500 a pop. The horror! (P)
  • North Korea is going to launch another missile unless the UN says "sorry." And despite the best efforts of the Committee for the Peaceful Reunification of the Fatherland to promote brotherly love on the peninsula, North Korea's "revolutionary military will utilize all measures including nuclear deterrent" to defend itself. (M)
  • The stock market is unchanged in 100 days, which is a failure. But if the economy rebounds, the citizens will have been duped. Fox is always "fair and balanced," but usually not this fair or this balanced. Nothing like a good screed from the front page of Fox News to get you up in the morning! (M)
  • Another South Korean scientific breakthrough: cloned glowing dogs! Is it as real as the last time? (M)



2 comments:

ONTRI said...

Dykstra looks like the craiglist killer.

Phutatorius said...

Looks like someone left the spent fuel rods a little too close to the animal shelter . . . Oh, no, wait: wrong Korea.

Post a Comment