Thursday, March 05, 2009

Rules of the Protest

As I sit in my office and listen to the picketers outside, I try to ascertain by induction some of the rules that govern organized protests:

*You have to march in a circle, apparently. This signifies that your cause has no beginning and no end. Also, that it's going nowhere.

*The best way to convey the seriousness of your issue, the righteousness of your anger, is to reduce it to rhyme. For example, "FE FI FO FUM, HARVARD WORKERS HERE WE COME!" You may be casting yourself as the little guy against Goliath, but it's fine to adopt the persona of a different murderous giant, so long as your rhyme is catchy.

*Pause periodically to applaud for yourselves. No one's going to do it for you, and the cheering and clapping by no means undercut the central message of your protest, which is that you're mad as hell and you're not going to take it anymore.

That's really all I can figure. I think I'm going to go down there with my D and my fence, see if I can't shake things up a little. Oh, and my fire hose, too.

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